So, here’s the thing…
Sunshine, Mo and I pride ourselves in being good moms who make good choices. We aren’t foul-mouthed, drunk, loose women who thrive on the attention our boobs get. We don’t throw ourselves at men shamelessly and we are upstanding members of our community (that’s why we have to keep our identities secret) but we will entertain some on-the-fringe reading and will definitely entertain conversations that play devil’s advocate.
That’s why we are asking YOU what you think about The Fifty Shades series by E.L. James, Bared To You by Sylvia Day , Thoughtless series by S.C. Stephens and any other books that live up to the same HOTNESS quotient!
Two of our three husbands condemn these books as Mommy Porn and argue that it’s no different than a man sitting down in front of the TV with a beer and porn to chill out from his day. My husband (remember my Introduction?) just rolls his eyes and smiles, knowing the more I read the more he can expect in the sack! Trust me when I say these books do wonders for the sex life! I even know of women who have their husbands read them too so they are both on the same page (no pun intended) when the bedroom door closes.
Sunshine, Mo and I take the stance that women don’t visualize like men do. We think (correct us if we are wrong) that when a man watches porn he is imagining HIMSELF doing those naughty things to the buxom blonde on the screen. So, essentially he is cheating on his wife/girlfriend in his mind. And that imaginary infidelity is what turns women off to their man watching it. Although some of you may entertain the idea of watching it together as a foreplay of sorts.
But here’s our side of the HOT READS story:
We have had lengthy conversations on this topic, sometimes just the three of us and sometimes with our husbands. Two husbands argue back and one just sits, smiles and rolls his eyes thinking, “Dudes, for the love of SEXY, don’t ruin this for yourselves!” LOL
Our position (again, no pun intended) is that women read these books less like an active party within the story but almost as a voyeur watching this love scene play out between TWO OTHER people. Quite honestly I have found that I have connected something in the lead male’s personality to my husband. Sometimes it’s a quality in him that I have taken for granted and I start appreciating a different dimension of the man I love. Our sex has gotten hotter and our adventure in the bedroom has sky rocketed.
Another big difference is the storyline that goes along with these NYT Best Sellers. The male characters are deep. They struggle with many of the same demons we all do. They have insecurities, fears and soft gentle sides that are actually more beautiful and attractive than those steamy sex scenes. Correct me if I’m wrong but I really don’t think any man can watch ‘Long Steve Shlong’ bang the hell out of some nurse and then comment on how many levels the storyline has or how he connects with Mr. Shlong on a deeper level because they both had similar childhoods and painful pasts that makes Steve-O actually a very pained soul working his way through a labyrinth of healing.
And the BIGGEST difference of all….READY?
THE CHARACTERS IN OUR BOOKS ARE NOT REAL PEOPLE! They only exist on pages or e-readers. There are no pictures, no moving breathing people, there is no sound, it is all imaginary. I think there has got to be a psychological aspect to this argument.
In porn, men can start being attracted to a specific actress porn star… he can find more pictures of her on line to satiate his appetite. He can rent a whole series of movies by this one woman. She’s real and this is a different level of attraction because, as stalker-ish as it is, he could conceivably search her out, find her and proposition her… at least in his mind coming face-to-face with Betty Big Boobs is a real possibility.
We can NEVER search for Christian Grey, Gideon Cross or Kellan Kyle in real life. They are not REAL people. We could never meet them and touch them, have our pictures taken with them. There will never be a celebrity sighting of any of these men! THEY ARE FICTIONAL CHARACTERS!
This has to make a huge differentiation in our minds between a HOT READ and MOMMY PORN, right?
Please share this post and tell us your thoughts!
*turns back to page 166 of Thoughtless*
Getting back to the scene in the espresso stand my important reading,
Crazy Jane
A male acquaintance and I had a discussion on this topic. I was appalled at the calling of these great reads as ‘Mommy Porn’. I love these books and won’t be swayed into thinking they aren’t anything else but a great read. I’ve read two out of the three texts mentioned. They bring the reader in, that is what makes a book memorable, it’s ability to become timeless and not be subjected to a specific category. Mommy Porn degrades women, that are strong willed women that just want to kick back and indulge themselves with fabulous men that can enhance their marriage in some way or they feel connected to on some level.
ROCKIN’ that answer Allison! We totally agree!
I have refused to read these books out of respect for my husband. For us, lust begins in the mind and heart. If my mind is engaged in the sexual exploits of someone else, I am committing adultery. The same thing happens when my husband watches pornography. He is a voyeur in their bedroom, the same as I would be with a book. Voyeurism is defined as “a perversion in which a person receives sexual gratification from seeing the genitalia of others or witnessing others’ sexual behavior.” Doesn’t that include reading detailed accounts of said sexual behavior? Isn’t that a form of witnessing? (It certainly is when you think about testimony at a trial.) Just because you form the image of the person in your mind doesn’t negate the voyeuristic aspect of books like these. If anything, it makes it easier for the reader to envision the character from the book while with your partner. Having sex with your partner while imagining him or her to be someone else is an emotional affair. Even if the person isn’t real, it’s still an affair because you are giving a part of yourself, a part that is supposed to solely belong to your husband, to someone or something else. For our marriage, it’s not worth the risk, it’s not worth the lack of trust, and it’s not worth the hurt it could cause.
Wow! I totally get what you’re saying! And actually I have entertained this side of the coin as well. Personally, these books have heightened the connection between my husband and I – sexually an emotionally. I have realized certain things in my husbands personality and attitudes that I hadn’t noticed or appreciated and probably took for granted before “meeting” Christian Grey in the books.
Never have I imagined myself having sexual relations w Christian (or any other male character) in any way. Christian and I would never mesh – but seeing the characteristics I like about his personality and quirks in my husband has lit a new fire in our already hot sex life.
I totally respect your opinion! And am so glad you shared it here!
I respect that, even if I don’t agree with. Unfortunately, I have lost a lot of friends (even Godly women and those who work closely with our Teen Girls ministry) for my opinion on this issue. Personally, the closer I draw to God, the more charged I am for my husband. It’s an odd correlation for most people to understand, but our sex life improves when we spend more time in scripture together. I think it’s because it opens lines of communications and has us interacting and communicating more openly, and that’s always sexy
Completely agree! Communication is huge in keeping a sex life alive and i believe God created sex to be enjoyed as a spiritual connection between two married people!
I don’t agree that most of the series Ana and Christian are not married but it’s not a choice I made for them so to me it’s just entertainment.
Happy to hear another Christian mom having great sex!
Sorry your sisters in Christ have turned on you!